Children returned from occupied territories: What we do not know about those who escaped Russia or its occupation 

"I haven’t heard from a single child who returned from occupation that there were bomb shelters or bunkers in their schools or that they were taken there for safety. Yet, the danger is constant, and they are not protected," says Yuliia Tukalenko, a psychologist from the Charitable Foundation "Voices of Children". 

She works with children who experienced life under occupation. "Voices of Children" provides psychological support and accompanies children during law enforcement interviews for those who have returned from Russia or occupied territories, in accordance with Article 226 of the Criminal Procedure Code of Ukraine. The Foundation operates under a memorandum with the Ombudsman’s Office. Psychologists work both offline and online with families who seek help after having been in Russia or under its occupation.

There are approximately 1.6 million children living in Russian-occupied Ukrainian territories, with about 615,000 of them being of school age.

In total, 19,546 Ukrainian children are considered deported or forcibly relocated, according to the "Children of War" state platform. Exact figures are challenging to determine due to ongoing military activity and the temporary occupation of territories.

The exact number of families who have fled with their children from occupation remains unknown. The Ombudsman’s Office, headed by Dmytro Lubinets, periodically reports successful evacuations of individual families.

Espreso spoke with Yulia Tukalenko to learn about the children returning from occupation, what they experienced, and the healing process they go through. Her words follow below.

The pressure

Children in occupation experience prolonged pressure and restrictions. After the age of 14, teenagers often face forced Russian passportization. They are subjected to threats from the occupying authorities, who warn that their parents could lose custody if they refuse Russian citizenship or school attendance. This puts immense pressure on them.

The actions of the occupying "local authorities" also traumatize these children during periodic and sudden house searches by armed soldiers. We know of a case where, during such a search, children were interrogated by someone allegedly representing the "FSS" (The Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation) without their parents present. In these moments, the child feels pressure, intimidation, and fear – no one has the right to interrogate a child without their parents or other legal guardians present.

According to children's accounts, they encounter armed military personnel at school as well. The so-called military police come even for behavioral violations. In some occupied schools, military security is permanently stationed, subjecting children to constant searches of their personal belongings.

In certain occupied villages within the Kherson region, local authorities have been forcibly taking high school students during school hours to register them at military enlistment offices. This practice constitutes another clear violation of children’s rights.

Such situations create high anxiety in children, a sense of constant danger, and feeling defenseless.

Isolation

Many families, when possible, keep their children at home instead of sending them to school in an effort to protect them. However, continuing education online through a Ukrainian school is often not feasible due to poor internet connectivity or fear that local authorities might discover their involvement.

In some cases, children spent nearly two years confined to their homes and yards because their families were afraid of coming into contact with soldiers who occupied villages and took over abandoned houses. 

Children living under occupation experience limited interaction with peers, restrictions in education, and fewer opportunities for entertainment, missing out on activities that were once (before occupation) a regular part of their lives. Several factors contribute to this: many friends have moved out, or it is simply unsafe to go outside due to the unpredictable behavior of Russian soldiers in different villages. They may be under the influence of alcohol and harass children, creating a constant fear of going out and a persistent sense of danger whenever not at home.

The fear of speaking the truth

Children living under occupation quickly learn what to avoid saying or doing. This becomes evident during initial interactions with them. Even after the occupation ends, they remain very cautious for some time, fearing their words might still put them in danger, especially if they have witnessed the beating of their parents or acquaintances.

As a result, children are constantly under emotional strain – carefully choosing their words or staying silent for long periods, unsure if it is safe to speak or if they might be punished for what they say. 

The shift to the Russian education system, along with changes in language, teachers, and the presence of military personnel in schools, creates a sense that certain topics should be avoided. You can not be close to friends unless you share their support for the Russian authorities. This fosters distrust and increases anxiety.

Children who lived in occupied Crimea reported that schools promoted the prestige of joining the "Yunarmiya" (a Russian youth militaristic organization whose curriculum includes activities such as shooting competitions, assembling and disassembling Kalashnykov rifles, grenade throwing, camouflage lessons, and evacuation of the wounded etc.) 

In schools under occupation, children must attend "Conversations about Important Things" (something like "klasna hodyna" in Ukraine) but with notable differences, where they are told about the greatness of Russia, and are taught to take pride in being Russian. Flag-raising ceremonies, singing the anthem, and participation in Russian national holidays are mandatory.

Children are also instructed to write letters to Russian soldiers, with some schools even grading these letters as mandatory assignments. This occurs despite some families in occupied areas having members serving in the "ZSU" (Ukrainian Armed Forces). One can only imagine the emotional turmoil a child experiences when asked to write a letter to a Russian soldier. 

Teacher loyalty and the level of pressure on students vary by region. There are different types of teachers: some are brought in from Russia and strictly enforce the prohibition of using Ukrainian in schools.

All these factors are traumatizing and can have long-lasting effects on a child's life.

Escaping occupation is not easy

In occupied areas, some families have bedridden parents, grandparents, or other relatives, making it difficult for them to leave. Many are holding out hope that, perhaps, the situation will change and that the Ukrainian army will eventually liberate them.

Families often lose relatively stable jobs, worsening their financial situation and forcing them to save for a long time to afford the journey. In occupied areas, obtaining information about how Ukraine can help them leave is extremely difficult. Reaching out to those in occupied areas is challenging because Russian authorities block the internet, and individuals can be punished for having pro-Ukrainian content on their phones. There have been instances where children said, "Oh, I have a friend there whose family cannot leave." Information about such families is then passed on to specialists who help them escape. These nuances should be considered when communicating with people who have survived occupation, and it is important to refrain from judgment or condemnation.

For example, one boy’s family from Donetsk could not leave the occupation for a long time; they were turned back several times due to issues with documents. The child shared that during the first year of occupation, classes of Ukrainian were still available in school, but in the second year, it was eliminated. However, the report card still listed the subject "native language" with a grade, even though the subject (Ukrainian) was not taught.

Similarly, a girl reported that in her school under occupation, Ukrainian was offered as an optional subject once a week. However, all Ukrainian textbooks were deliberately burned, and the children were aware of this. They found very old Ukrainian textbooks for this elective class, but they were not allowed to take them home.

Returning to Ukrainian-controlled territories can also be a traumatic experience

After returning to Ukraine, a child adapts to new conditions and goes through this process together with their family. After leaving the occupation, people are in a state of extreme psychological mobilization – they need to move out, get their child to a new place, and take care of various aspects of life. Once these tasks are accomplished, and the family is in relative safety, a delayed emotional response can begin. 

A child may generally be afraid of going to a new school because of traumatic experiences at the previous one. A child returned from occupation may fear the Ukrainian school because many things were forbidden in the occupied school, and they were not allowed to speak freely there. Or they might fear social interactions because they had to stay at home for an extended period of time. It may even be scary to attend extracurriculars because of the isolation they experienced during occupation. As a result, the child already has a firm belief – that it is dangerous outside of home.

Traumatization can come from many factors. For example, if a child often encountered the Russian military who conducted raids and interrogations, then Ukrainian soldiers in uniform might frighten them just as a fact – people in uniform. It becomes a trigger. Back there, people in uniform were a threat, while here, they are meant to provide protection. This shift in perception takes time for a child to process and adjust to.

A child might feel rejected in a new community: parents have lost their jobs or social status, and the family cannot afford a fancy phone (which is often a sign of prestige among teenagers). This can lead to bullying, which the child experiences painfully in this new situation.

In cases where a family has lost their home and an established and comfortable life, many conflicts arise between the parents. Teenagers are often acutely aware of this and feel constant anxiety, uncertainty, and fear about the future. This leads to thoughts like, "I do not know what will happen next. My parents do not have jobs – how will we live, and where?" Everything has changed, and there is little trust in the world.

In a new environment, a child might be singled out as a victim, become the focus of undue curiosity, or even be idolized. However, this child is simply a child with age-appropriate needs and the right to a childhood. Not every child wants their peers to know about their experience of occupation. We lack a culture of tolerance for another person’s challenges and feelings. No one knows why they were in occupation for so long or what they had to endure. Yet, people might ask, "Why did you stay there so long? Why did you not leave sooner? If I were in your place…"

Such questions are traumatizing. "How did you feel? Were you scared?" – these should never be asked. The children have already endured trauma. By making them relive their past experiences on an emotional level, you cannot predict the consequences. Nightmares, sleep disturbances, withdrawal, and detachment may arise, along with an increased level of anxiety...

Retraumatization can occur at any time. For instance, a child was made to repeatedly recount their experiences and emotions to journalists. No one informed the child that they had the right to refuse to speak to journalists. This retraumatized the child. Once we informed them of their right to remain silent, they were surprised and immediately exercised it.

Sometimes, children do not have the skills to express their needs, especially if it is something painful. An adult tells them they have to do it, and that is it. If children have been under pressure and restrictions for a long time, they will continue to follow orders, even if it causes them pain in adulthood.

Where to seek help for families from occupied areas

We know from accounts that border guards at Ukrainian crossing points pay attention to families with children, informing them where to get help and how (this includes document processing, financial support, and psychological assistance). After the survey, we always provide our contacts, telling families they can come for free help in person or online. 

Returning to Ukrainian-controlled territory and receiving support restores a sense of relative safety, care, and protection. Over time, after returning, delayed emotional responses may occur. A child who had been constrained, controlling their emotions, and living in fear can now express themselves freely.