New moGilization in Russia. Things will end in an all-Russian uproar again

Russians joke that only a military enlistment office can accept a Russian man as he is. Women have recently been turning in their husbands to enlistment offices more often than glass containers to recycling centers. But a year before the presidential elections, the Kremlin is forced to suspend this service, as it turned out that the voter is capricious and ready to give only his vote, but not his soul, for the Fuhrer.

The imitation of Putin's re-election to another bunker term will take place on March 17, 2024. The Fuhrer has two tasks:

1. Not to suffer a completely crushing defeat, which requires a million units of potential cannon fodder to be moGilized and soon become corpses, (and so earn the nickname "mogilized" with the "g" standing for "grave" - ed.).

2. Not to lose the support of the "hinterland people"... Which requires avoiding this very moGilization: as it turned out, the bulk of the electorate is ready to participate in the "holy war" by mostly sitting on the couch.

The best "plywood marshals" and parquet patriots of the Kremlin are thinking about how to combine warm with hot. There are options.

Shoigu is going to respond "to the ever growing threat from NATO" by increasing the army from 1.15 to 1.5 million, primarily through contract soldiers.

“Shoigu is going to respond "to the ever growing threat from NATO" by increasing the army from 1.15 to 1.5 million, primarily through contract soldiers”

You will laugh, but the task of finding the so-called "contractors" has been set for Dimon, the Alco-gnome – the officially recognized drunkard and deputy head of the Security Council. He has been ordered to find 400,000 "legionnaires" and, apparently, to do so by the end of this year.

He is to recruit "legionnaires" through the system of labor slavery. Dimon will issue orders to the regions, and the governors will bring the good news to enterprises. It's a masterful scheme: you can hide from the military commissar, but you can't hide from a shop manager or an accountant. Before, businesses and factories were extorted mainly for money, but now they are extorted for people's souls.

“It's a masterful scheme: you can hide from the military commissar, but you can't hide from a shop manager or an accountant. Before, businesses and factories were extorted mainly for money, but now they are extorted for people's souls”

The second scheme involves expanding the number of recruits. To do this, the upper limit of the conscription age is simply raised from 27 to 30 years old, and, as if by magic, there is no unscheduled mobilization. Formally, the age of the start of conscription is also raised from 18 to 21. But the trick is that 30 year-olds will have to become conscripts right away, and a long transition period is set for the shift from 18 to 21.

Now the Wagner PMC experience is being massively cloned in Mordor, but improved.

Many enterprises are creating legal security units that hire military personnel at a salary of USD 5,000. Both wealthy companies like Gazprom and small regional government agencies are doing this.

By the way, amid promising recruitment cases in Mordor, the star of Prigozhin and Wagner is fading. He is not allowed to recruit new convicts, the arms ban has been lifted, and so Putin's chef has decided to enter politics. Maybe, God willing, he will run for president.

The Russian army really needs fresh meat. On average, more than 20,000 Russians become "very good" (i.e. get killed - ed.) every month. At least as many turn into "semi-good," meaning they get injured and become unfit for further service. This is approximately minus 450,000 personnel per year. These losses need to be replenished.

“The Russian army really needs fresh meat. Russia really needs fresh meat. On average, more than 20,000 Russians become "very good" (i.e. get killed - ed.) every month. At least as many turn into "semi-good," meaning they get injured and become unfit for further service. This is approximately minus 450,000 personnel per year”

Mordor has already conducted many experiments with formats for catching future "Nazism fighters," but all of them ended in failure. There were volunteer units, numerous PMCs, and the well-known mobilization. Now imagine how things might turn out when the brave drunkard Medvedev takes over.

It is not yet known how many of Putin's new commandos will actually be "shaved." I will say that the orcs are physically incapable of dressing, deploying, and arming so many defenders of the "Russian values." The mogilization of even 300,000 "Great Russians" ended in scandals, rusty machine guns, and tents. That is, everything will again end in an all-Russian commotion.

Therefore, one result is expected: all this is being carried out for the psychological reassurance of the bunker, which, after "liberating the brotherly people," will now also imitate democracy in its own country. But what is he trying to prove and to whom?

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About the author. Orest Sohar, journalist, editor-in-chief of Obozrevatel.

The editorial board does not always share the opinions expressed by the blog authors.